I’ve not been myself lately, a bit under the weather mentally, physically and spiritually. Basically feeling like I’m walking around with my own personal dark cloud. Which really isn’t me at all, I’m usually an optimist. So, these past few weeks have concerned me.
So, allow me to digress for a couple paragraphs. My daughter and I have had a unique psychic connection since she was still in the womb. She communicated with me often through dreams and visions while I was pregnant with her. After she was born, I always understood her faces, gestures and sounds. As she grew the bond between us developed as well.
When she was about 4, I was home and she was at preschool. The class had been taken to the swimming pool across the street. On the way back my daughter fell in the street, as she was getting up, she saw a car coming down the street toward her. The teacher grabbed her and carried her to the sidewalk. But my daughter was crying…’mommy, mommy, mommy.’ That same afternoon I heard my daughter’s voice calling me. I heard it so plainly, I began searching the house, thinking she was home. I even went so far as to look in the driveway for a vehicle of someone I recognized thinking someone had brought my daughter home. Of course, she wasn’t there. Later when I picked her up at preschool the teacher told me about the incident, so I asked what time this all happened, and was told it was approximately the same time I heard her voice calling for me.
There have been other incidents over the years and I’ve learned when it happens to call and ask her what’s going on. And I know I have channeled her emotions on many occasions. But I still assume all off balance feelings are all about me. On Monday of this week I was so physically sick I thought I had the flu. But not being one to give in to physical maladies, I went about my day as usual. During lunch I exchanged several text messages with my daughter. And I’m sure you’ve guessed by now, she described every one of my symptoms exactly. Yesterday during lunch we also conversed and she went into greater detail about her feelings. Today, I still feel off, but now that I know I’m channeling my daughter’s feelings, I’m doing a better job of separating which emotions are hers and which are mine. So hopefully by the weekend I’ll feel better and then be better able to help her through her darkness.
Motherhood really is a life long commitment.